The 32 absolute truths of Golf

1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at amuch earlier age.
2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actuallythe beginning of the next group of three.
4. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look downagain at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball ifyou ever want to see it again.
5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not atall.
6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind duringyour swing.
8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit onemore club or two more balls.
9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursomeahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you canimmediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear andtop a ball halfway there.
10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideasabout the golf swing.
11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for allyour errors.
12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
16. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you are lying 10.
17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is likeexpecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.
20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is astraight line that passes directly through the center of a very largetree.
21. There are two kinds of bounces: Unfair bounces, and bounces just theway you meant to play it.
22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90%of the time.
23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make twotriple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 30 mph x handicap 20 =downswing 600 mph.
26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at thetop and checking the position of your hands: a) how many hands you have,and b) which one is wearing the glove.
27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
28. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but nogolfer can put "straight" on the ball.
29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ballis in the bunker.
31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.